NEWS

Satire

ANNOUNCES PRODUCTION CHANGES

The department of “Trust Us You really, Really Need One” announced at two press conferences today that they are reviewing the extension of their revolutionary production doubling scheme to all departments. It will be officially implemented today and again tomorrow that as soon as the second government feasibility study is resubmitted to the double-blind committee that production will officially double. This means that all current employees will be re-hired and given a second copy of their job description.Says the official department Yes Man, “the government accountancy studies have told us that if we double production we will decrease costs by fifty percent”. Management was unanimous in their praise for the “doubling of production by doing everything twice” concept, “we don’t need any new equipment or employee hiring to meet this goal.” “We give full credit to our way of doing whatever it is that we do, we inspired us.”

Taking into consideration that we do not actually “produce” anything we are optimistic that this system will succeed.

However, management and union failed to reach an agreement as to exactly what they want to do. The confusion apparently arises from managements unreasonable approach of agreeing with union representatives. Informs a union spokesperson, “since management agrees with us, then we must fight amongst ourselves. Since there are so many more of us than them this process will take a long time. However, we are confident that by the time we are done that the changes will have changed again. We do hold out the hope that management will then disagree with us, then and only then can some real progress be made.”

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